Is mathematics a job or a way of life?

I apologize in advance because this post is maybe more pouty than most.  Although, in my defense, I do think blogging caught on because of angsty teenagers...

At some point in college I read Hardy's "A Mathematician's Apology".  These days, I hate this book and maybe will make a blog post at some point just to complain further about it.  But at the time, it made me think I wanted my life to be math and that the only way to do math was for it to completely consume my life and try to pursue some false notion of greatness. 

Fast forward about 15 years: 

I don't always love mathematics like Hardy or any of the "great" mathematicians of the past.  I enjoy research, value the teaching/mentoring (except for grading), and sometimes like the service I do.  I get a lot of joy out of moments of success (however I've defined that), having wonderful colleagues and collaborators, and I'm very lucky to be in the position I'm in.  That said, I don't care about pure mathematics that much: I have no intrinsic interest in the latest Quanta articles on breakthroughs in number theory (why does Quanta even exist?), I hate discussions about whether math is a construction or a discovery, and I don't think in terms of the beauty of mathematics.  I think way less resources should go into promoting pure math.  Sometimes I feel like this means I'm not good enough as a mathematician or that I don't like math enough.  I'm trying to get over that, and think about math more as a job than a way of life.  Reflecting on this, here's a few short unsolicited thoughts along these lines:

- You don't need to love math.  I've said this before on this blog, but while math certainly functions differently than most other jobs, it's still a job.  You don't need to like your job to be good or responsible at what you're doing.  I've met people who do not have a love for mathematics that I consider great researchers, and many who love all things mathematics that I consider rather mediocre researchers.  I think we're sold a narrative of extremes (i.e. dedicate your entire life to your passion) rather than seeking the value in building many different aspects of your life.

- You can do good math in lots of different ways.  I know people who work crazy hours, some who work 4 hours a day, some people prioritize being able to pick up their kids from school, some who want to be a part of every math event, etc.  I think throughout my career I've given off the vibe that I work all the time...I don't.  That's probably been good for my branding, but it's not good for setting examples for other people.  The point is you have to find what works for you. 

- To be honest, I'd rather people be more responsible with their teaching/advising/service/collegiality than research.  I wish those were more major metrics in a lot of hiring decisions.  But in any case, at the end of the day, your job doesn't need to be your identity, and, in my opinion, proving technical theorems about Heegaard Floer homology is not really that important in the hierarchy of contributions to society.  I definitely believe there's a lot of brainpower that could be going to much more pressing issues.

- I still hear a lot disparaging language like Hardy's about other mathematical endeavors: teaching, applied mathematics, students, etc.  I'm guilty of it too, and I know that it's often a joke or a facade that people feel obligated to put up.  That said, I think that language in this way can still be detrimental.  It's something that we should all think a little more about the impacts of.

- Again, I also hear a lot of similar language making it seem like mathematics is the only thing that matters in life.  When I was younger I kind of took all of this literally, before realizing that everyone was just suppressing talking about all the other things that were secretly really important to them (family, hobbies, health, finances, etc).  I think it might make a lot of people feel more human and welcomed if there was more of a balance in how we talk about things.  I'm not saying everyone needs to share every detail about their lives but rather that it's important to consider how we speak about our jobs and what type of culture we build in the community based on what we emphasize.  Do we as a community want mathematicians to treat mathematics like it is their life or something that they do as part of their life?