Weird hair and mathematicians

Warning: This short post touches on some heavier topics like suicide and relationship violence.  If you are having a mental health emergency, please reach out to a mental health professional, call 911, or a suicide / crisis hotline (in the US, the canonical number is 9-8-8).  This post is a bare bones version of what I wish I could write here, but I'd rather get something out and maybe revisit topics in more detail later.

Math is weird and has weird people in it.  I remember a close friend in college told me he was a math major because he liked the people - I agree (usually).  Mathematical culture seems to really emphasize being accepting of the weirdos, purporting that a love of mathematics is what matters.  Barefoot at a conference - not even an eyeroll.  (I had my barefoot phase in grad school too.)  Blue hair, you do you!  I like having the space to be weird, but of course, how welcome you are treated in the community can depend on race, gender, etc and this affects who really has the freedom to express.  To me though, it sometimes feels the culture in mathematics is more about avoidance instead of acceptance, and the norm is not to say anything if you observe something different, whether we view it as good or bad.  I think we observe many things that apply here: neon hair, a faculty member deriding a graduate student during a talk, aggressive behavior making female colleagues uncomfortable, or anyone showing serious signs of emotional distress.  Mathematicians tend simply not to say anything regardless.  It's awkward to confront someone, and computing homology well certainly doesn't translate into interpersonal skills.  I know mine are lacking!  I get really bad anxiety about speaking up in those kinds of situations, and frequently misstep at critical times, but it's something to work on.  However, I think we should stop excusing this awkward part of the mathematical persona.

There's a lot of things I'd like to unpack here, but most acute right now for me are the several suicides by students at NC State this fall.  There were 4 on campus this year and the NCSU community has been reeling; suicide is one of the leading causes of death for college students.  Although I've been at MSRI this Fall, I have also been near to suicide at NCSU and at home.  Students and postdocs obviously really feel the crunch especially being on the job market, but faculty and staff often have a rough go at it too.  Even if someone's math is going well, it's hard to know what else is going on under the hood - health, family, etc - and we don't always anticipate a sudden decline in someone's well-being.  

If you have the emotional capacity for it, try to think about what you might do if you noticed concerning behavior in a student or colleague.  If you don't feel comfortable confronting the person directly, most universities have a phone number or e-mail you can contact to alert them of a concern.  At NCSU, it is the CARES program.  Learn what resources are available at your institution.  In more dire circumstances, you can call 911 or 988, the suicide crisis hotline, for example, and they can help guide you.  Another thing to think about is what you might say or resources you would provide if someone comes to you directly in crisis - maybe they disclose suicidal thoughts, a recent sexual assault, an unsafe living situation, etc.  What body language or tone would you use?  Students can feel isolated on campus - far from family, afraid to tell their peers - and don't know where to turn, so an instructor or mentor can be the only one they go to.  This can be especially true in a situations of relationship violence, where their usual support network can be severed.  This also isn't just for students though - colleagues also reach out because of mental health crises, abusive relationships, etc.

As one example, on campus at NCSU, we also have the Women's Center for someone who has experienced sexual assault or domestic violence; they also provide trainings on how to support students in some of these situations, which are informative.  Of course, we can't have all the answers or anticipate every scenario, but knowing a few key actions to take can turn into a lifeline.  While we are not trained as mental health or crisis support professionals, we can maybe work on the ability to be advocates during a crucial moment instead of silent observers.  

Side comment 0:  Re-reading this post, it sounds way too preachy.  Sorry.

Side comment 1: Here is a nice article in the Notices on mental health in mathematics.

Side comment 2: Exciting results are great.  However, no one has told me a theorem interesting enough to warrant sacrificing a life over.  Proving the Poincare Conjecture is not comparable to a humanitarian mission, so maybe we shouldn't treat it that way.